im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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