What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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