I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
