could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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