btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
