i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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