I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
