it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
