I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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