Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
