The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
