I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
