that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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