ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
