Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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