just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
