I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
