I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
