I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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