i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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