maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
