my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
