I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
