I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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