As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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