once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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