I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
