just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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