he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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