My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
