never play flip cup with pint glasses
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
