his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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