Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
