***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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