She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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