What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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