could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
