UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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