If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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