Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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