I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Text me some of your sweat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
