I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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