when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
