I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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