The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
