Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
