I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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