Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
