I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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