Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
