the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
