i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
