Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
