her vagine was all disorganized.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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