party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
