he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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