ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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