whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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