i wish starbucks made bloody marys
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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