the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
