I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
