Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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