Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize