I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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