a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize