I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
