Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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