Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize