I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
