i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
