remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
